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How The Grinch Stole the Rivalry

Every Who in BY-Whoville liked rivalry hoops quite a lot…
But the Grinch, Who lived just north of BY-Whoville, Did NOT!
The Grinch hated the rivalry! The whole rivalry season!
Now, please don’t ask why. No one knows quite the reason.

It could be, perhaps, that his shoes were too tight.
It could be his head wasn’t screwed on just right.
But I think that the most likely reason people use,
May have been that inside, he had a really short fuse.

But, whatever the reason, his head or his shoes,
He stood there on Rivalry Eve, hating BY-Whos,
Staring down from his cave with a sour, Grinchy frown,
At the warm lighted windows below in their town.

For every Who in BY-Whoville down there,
Was busy now, picking their rivalry-wear.
“And they’re writing clever signs!” he snarled with a sneer,
“Tomorrow’s the Rivalry! It’s practically here!”

Then he growled, with his Grinch fingers nervously drumming,
“I MUST find some way to keep all this from coming!”
And the more the Grinch thought of what Nick Emery had done,
The more the Grinch thought, “THEY HAVE PLAYED THE LAST ONE!”

“Why, for all of three years I’ve put up with this game!”
“I MUST stop this Rivalry from coming! It’s lame.”
Then he got an idea! An awful idea!
THE GRINCH GOT A WONDERFUL, AWFUL IDEA!

“I know just what to do!” The Grinch laughed in his head.
And he wrote up an email saying the rivarly’s dead.
And he chuckled, and clucked, “What a great Grinchy trick!”
“I don’t want to play, but I can blame it on Nick!”

“All I need is a reason…” The Grinch looked around.
But, since reasons are scarce, there was none to be found.
Did that stop the old Grinch? Ha! The Grinch simply said,
“If I can’t find a reason, I’ll make one instead!”

So he called his PR guy. And they said, “Hey maybe,”
“We could write a big press release about player safety.”
They typed it all up and then they pushed send.
“Now, finally, they’ll learn some respect in the end!”

“They said they we’re sorry and suspended their kid,”
“But that’s not nearly enough to fix all what they did.”
“They’ll never grow up” he was grinchishly humming.
“Soon they’ll all learn that no Rivalry’s coming!”

“And when they find out, I know just what they’ll do!”
“Their mouths will hang open a minute or two,
Then the Whos in BY-Whoville will all cry BooHoo!”
“That’s a noise,” grinned the Grinch, “That I simply MUST hear!”
So he paused. And the Grinch put his hand to his ear.

And he did hear a sound rising over the snow.
It started in low. Then it started to grow.
But this sound wasn’t sad!
Why, this sound sounded glad!

He stared down at BY-Whoville! The Grinch popped his eyes!
Then he shook! What he saw was a shocking surprise!
Every Who in BY-Whoville, the tall and the small,
Sang the fight song! Without any rivalry game at all!

He HADN’T stopped the rivalry from coming! IT CAME!
Somehow or other, it came just the same!
And the Grinch, with his grinch-feet ice-cold in the snow,
Stood puzzling and puzzling: “How could it be so?”

“It came with out smack talk! It came without smirks!”
“It came without being on the Pac-12 Networks!”
And he puzzled and puzzed, ’til his puzzler was sore.
Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn’t before!

“Maybe the Rivalry,” he thought, “isn’t just about me.”
“BYU-Utah … perhaps … is for the whole community.”
And what happened then? Well…in BY-Whoville they say,
That the Grinch’s small fuse grew three sizes that day!

And the minute his fuse didn’t feel quite so tight,
He said “that second apology finally made all things right,”
He brought back the rivalry! He paid eighty-thousand bucks.
And he, HE HIMSELF! The Grinch … deserves to lose, ’cause he sucks.

2 Comments

  1. superdude666

    December 15, 2017 at 7:07 am

    You’ve just given the Grinch another reason to put an end to the rivalry: “Your Story”… Truth Hurts!!!

  2. Tony Lundberg

    December 16, 2017 at 12:20 am

    excellent- except for the last line– too much